Decide 2 Matter

In the Meantime

So you are pursuing a new career, trying a new line of crafts, working on a new piano piece, and you have a plan. It's going to take a lot of work and a lot of time, but you know you can do it. However, what do you do in the meantime?

What exactly is "in the meantime"? It's when:

• the kids are in bed and the spouse isn't home.
• you just submitted your homework, book proposal, your project outlines, and you won't hear back for a day, week, or month.
• everything is going as planned and you have some time off.
• you are waiting in line.
• you are in between assignments.

Given we live in a fast paced society where we must do, do, do, many of us don't know exactly what to do with ourselves when we have those rare free moments.

In my experience, two things happen we are stuck in the meantime. We either fill every extra second up with more activities or we wait. Either option deprives us of the must needed rest and recovery that our mind, body, and spirit is longing for.

When we have free moments, we need to remember the following.

• It's okay to do nothing.
• Progress comes over time.
• A recharge wouldn't hurt.
• Your mind could use a rest.
• It's okay to stare at the wall, the garden, your cat, or the ceiling.
• Some of your best ideas are born in the meantime.

Here are some suggestions on what to do in the meantime.

• Take a walk or take a hike.  Getting your body moving will help with the lull you are feeling right now. Your body will appreciate exercise and better yet, your mind can take a break as you enjoy your surroundings.
• Take a nap. I'm sure you could use some more sleep.
• Get our your journal. Connect with who you are. Write our your concerns. Explore future possibilities. Or just write nonsense. The physical act of writing has a rejuvenating effect in that is clears some of the mental debris we have lingering around in our heads.
• Go sit outside. For one thing, we don't spend much time outside. Most of us only see "nature" when we take the dog out, bring the garbage down to the street for pickup, or walk from our car to the office. Do you remember what a butterfly looks like? Have you watched a sparrow hop around? Have you pet your cat lately? Did you forget what non-conditioned air feels like? Sit outside and look around.
• Read a fun book. For you this could be a fantasy novel, an auto-biography, or even a mystery. Stay away from self-help books. This reading is for pure fun. Let your imagination run away to far off places.
• Go to a spa, get a massage, or get a facial. Spend some time nurturing yourself. You've come this far in your endeavors. Nothing says you like yourself more than self-care.

Whatever you do in the meantime, remember that life is about the journey, not the destination. Moreover, life happens in the meantime - so why not enjoy that time.

Life is Too Short

I just got done watching the movie Last Holiday with Queen Latifah. It's a story about how a quiet an unassuming woman discovers that she has only three weeks to live. She takes her life's savings, cashes our her IRA, and sells all her bonds. And what does she do with that money? She lives!

Yes, you all can imagine the ending. It's a happy one no less. But I think we all need a good dose of reality - something that shakes us up and reminds us how to live.

Georgia, the main character of the movie,finally learns to live now that she has nothing to fear. What could happen to her? She only has three weeks left. So out she goes into the world.

People all around her are drawn to her. Not only does she look beautiful, but she's enjoying herself. Anything she feels like doing, she's doing. Georgia takes snowboard lessons, buys beautiful clothes, orders all the entres at the fancy restaurant. Now I'm not saying we need to spend all our money to have fun. But rather that to really live we must fearlessly be ourselves.

To me, that's what being an artist is about. Whether you paint, act, sing, dance, carve, or write, the sheer act of putting your spirit to paper, to movement, to clay, takes courage. You dare to live and show the world who you really are. What are you holding yourself back from? I entertain the idea of making a CD of my piano compositions. I dream of writing inspiring books. I even dabble with the idea of being a psychic (I'm a new age nerd, I'm sorry, I admit it.) or a spiritual counselor.

In fact, we also need to stop apologizing for who we are. There's a coach/author whom I read, Coach Rachelle Lee, and she says that when you start getting criticism, it means you have made it somewhere. No matter what you do with your life, you are going to offend someone. And the fact is, if someone is offended, then that person needs to deal with his or her own "stuff".

Everyone is more worried about what you think about them than how your butt looks in those pants or how you messed up in your dance performance. In fact, no one noticed you messed up. Of course there are a few people who will go out of their way to criticize you.  But you know they are only doing it because it takes the pressure off of looking at themselves in the mirror. So with all that said, what are you doing? Why are you so afraid of living?

We trick ourselves into thinking we are afraid of dying. We go to church. We pray. We do everything right - according to our holy Book of Right. But in truth, we are afraid of living. We are afraid our painting will get rejected or that someone will laugh our acting. In truth, our spirits are strong  and we are loved by the universe. If only we would stop being so afraid of each other and more importantly of what's inside us.

Life is too short to sit by wondering if someone will like us. Would you want someone to write "Went Through the Motions" on your headstone? Or "Made Everyone Else Happy"? Wouldn't it be cooler to have: Mother, Sister, Friend, Artist, Inspiration.

Okay, have I motivated you enough yet to really go after your dreams and live your life? I hope so. If anything, I've motivated myself! Life is too short not to be lived. I'm off to eat a cookie and to write some music.

The Importance of Downtime or Doing Nothing

We are a planned society. As much as the word "goal" and "plan" can make us cringe, we really do plan out each moment. You may not have that five year plan set up, but you probably know that ...

1. this morning you will go to work
2. during lunch you will run to the post office
3. on the way home from work, you will stop and pick up groceries
4. you will cram in time to work out
5. you will make dinner
6. you will get the kids started on their homework
7. you will talk to your husband about finishing the taxes (or you will do them yourself)
8. you will shove dinner down your throat
9. you will call your mother, father, brother, or sister
10. you watch your favorite TV show
11. you check your mail and respond to your 8 friends
12. you check all your favorite websites, forums, and blogs
13. you will work on your art, your book, your music
14. you notice the time and then go to bed

Our weekdays and weekends are packed - filled to the brim with activities we feel we must do. Our downtime was supposed to be used creating, making art, playing songs, writing stories. But now, those activities are just as planned and lack the fun they used to. What to do?

• Erase your mental plan of today, tomorrow, and the weekend.
• Take one day and leave the computer off.
• Leave the TV off. Heck, unplug it if you are that addicted.
• Think of one thing you don't really have to do.
• Think of one thing that can just wait until tomorrow.
• With that new block of time, do the first relaxing thing you can think of.

It's so easy to get burned out and it's impossible to create when there's no fresh energy behind the initiative. When was the last time you just did nothing. Or more importantly, had some true fun.

Sometimes I'll get the entire DVD box set of a TV show I enjoy. What first turns out to be a fun time of watching the show, it soon turns into me trying to watch as much as I can. Then I get fun overload which obviously isn't that much fun. I carve out a block of free time and must cram as much fun in as I can. Not good.

When we don't take regular breaks for downtime, "do nothing" time, and just plain ole fun time, we starve our creative selves and our spirit. Then, like a starving person, we gobble down the "downtime" until we get sick off that, too. We go from one extreme to the other.

Today, put aside half an hour or even a full hour to just do something completely random, fun, and relaxing. It will give you the energy you need to get through the rest of your day. I've even read that meditating (or simply doing nothing) for five minutes a day can refresh and reset your constantly running mind.

Try it. Get some downtime. Your mind, body, and spirit will thank you.

Resistance and Your Inner Child

Are you ignoring your inner child when you start a creative project? As much fun as we have writing, sketching, or dancing, we can often get very stubborn about how the entire process is supposed to work. But why is that?

As cliche as it is to discuss your inner child, let's talk about the childlike Resistance we have to new endeavors. What project right now are you dragging your feet on? What new thing are you staring that just isn't going the way it's supposed to?

Take a look at your life and recognize the areas where you are acting like a child. If a child was misbehaving, would you give him or her the same lecture you would an adult? Of course not. (Unless you are really mean.) However, we tend to berate ourselves for not finishing our creative projects when the very energy we need to create comes from a childlike place within us.

Children are more playful and joyous. They look at life with fresh eyes. As we get older, we amass a huge mental database about the world and how it should be. We also have constant pressure to be responsible adults; paying our bills, doing the laundry, or even cleaning up after our own kids. But when it comes time to take our creative dreams seriously, we need to tap into that childlike wonder. We need to look at our creativity with fresh new childlike eyes.

Unfortunately, we have the habit of putting all the adult pressures upon ourselves when we create. We burden our inner child with heavy questions and negative thoughts.

• Will this make money?
• Am I wasting my time?
• What do I do when I'm finished on this project?
• This is taking too long.
• Maybe my mother was right, I should just focus on paying the bills.
• There's no way I could get anywhere with this.

Children create for the sheer joy of it. And there once was a time that you created with reckless abandon. But as you got older, the pressure to support yourself came tumbling in. Given that most of us were taught to make money and then pursue our dreams, it's very hard to just jump into a creative project without thinking these heavy adult thoughts.

So, next time you find yourself being stubborn about a creative project, getting frustrating or blocked while writing, or hating yourself for messing up a dance step, remember to be nice to your inner child. Hold that child's hand and support him or her until you get it right. Be gentle with yourself and your resistance may just melt away.

Limited Time Offer

Life is a limited time offer. You only get one shot, one try, one day: today. Don't get confused and think you now have to rush to enjoy everything. Don't start filling up your to-do list with more and more. Quite the opposite.

Slow down.

This is the only December 27th, 2005 you will have. For a limited time, you can enjoy today right now. But act fast, this offer will expire at midnight tonight.

What have you noticed today? What makes today special? Instead of a gratitude journal, wouldn't it be neat to have a diary devoted to what made each and every day special?

Gifts Aren't Always Wrapped

With consumerism on the rampage, it's easy to forget all the other wonderful gifts we receive each and every day. These gifts do not come wrapped, but are bestowed upon us in numerous ways. When we acknowledge these gifts, we open our eyes to the abundance of the world. What gifts have you been given?

Here are some that may come to mind.

• The person who let you cut into the lane when traffic was heavy.
• The man who smiled at you when you were feeling down.
• The baby that stared into your eyes.
• The woman who gave you an extra coupon at the store.
• The man who held open the door for you.
• The compliment you received on your outfit.

There are others gifts we don't even realize we have. Clean water. Heat. Enough food to eat. Good friends. A stable job. A reliable vehicle.

We are surrounded by so many blessings, but it's easy to forget when we move so quickly in our lives. Stop a moment today and notice what gifts you have received be they wrapped or not.

Spread Cheer

With the holiday hustle of shopping, parties, and eating, it's no wonder we end up exhausted after the entire ordeal is over. This year, I'm finding it very hard to enjoy the holidays, because I feel so rushed all the time. The holiday spirit doesn't seem alive and well.

When I came home last night, my neighbor caught me to give me a plate of homemade sugar cookies. He also wished me a Merry Christmas. I was so surprised by the gift that instead of wishing him good cheer or happy holidays, I said, "Thanks, you too!" I plan on baking some muffins or cookies to share with my family and neighbors for New Years, so that's when I'll get to spread my holiday cheer.

No sooner had I walked in the door, did my boyfriend call. He had mentioned how it also felt like Christmas wasn't even here. That was until he wished someone Happy Holidays. Literally as soon as he started wishing others Happy Holidays did he feel the holiday spirit. He said, "Duh, wish people Happy Holidays and you'll feel better."

Instead of focusing on the traffic, consumerism, and fattening food, look for places where you can spread cheer. A simple Happy Holidays to someone in the elevator accompanied by a smile will do wonders. Spread cheer and you will find cheer. It's like when you buy a new car and suddenly everywhere you look, someone has that same model of car. Those cars were always on the road, but you never noticed before.

What little way can you spread cheer today?

Satisfaction Guaranteed

Are you following your heart's desire, or are you speeding down the path of safety and guarantees? It is very easy to deceive yourself into thinking you are doing something because you love it, when really you are going after what you think has a guarantee.

Take me for instance. I still work in Corporate America (with a capital C no less). There I enjoy helping people with computers. Since my company pays for a computer science degree, that seems like the logical choice for me to continue my education. Do I enjoy using computers? Sure. Do I like helping people with them? Sure. But it's not what I do for fun at home. I like computers, but I don't love computer. However, I can find numerous job opportunities plain as day for folks with computer science degrees and programming experience.

Since I like coaching so much and enjoy working with people, psychology seems like the next best thing. But do I go home and pour through psychology today magazines or self-help books? Granted I have plenty of the self-help books, but I only like psychology. I don't yearn for it. Yet again my fears creep up and tell me that pursuing psychology is safe. So again I look at schools offering courses.

It's so easy to fall into what we think is safe. Unfortunately, most thoughts are based on stale information. Do I know for a fact that computers will take me where I want to go? Actually I knew a few computers folks who get laid off every time a company restructures itself. They come back as consultants and eventually get rehired only to have the cycle start again and again. I know therapists that don't get paid as much as they should because of insurance company rates changing all the time. Moreover, they have to wait for the claims to come in, sometimes waiting months just to get paid.

What do I truly want to do? Compose music, sell my art & designs, write stories, and inspire others through coaching. Do you know any worn path for doing all of that? I don't. You won't find job postings for "creative person who likes to do a lot of things including x,y, and z." And telling people I'm becoming a creativity coach - most people screw up their faces and ask "What's that?" Yet my satisfaction will be guaranteed if I take the risks and make my own path.

A life lived with regret is no life at all. And living for security isn't life, but mere survival. Are you pursing what you love or what you like? Ask yourself some of these questions.

• Do I like this, or love this?
• If I already have a job now, why not pursue what I love?
• Will I regret not doing this?
• Do I not want to do this because it's scary and unknown?
• Am I doing this because I think I should, or because I want to?
• Do I have enough information about my interest, or am I just going off
  assumptions (starving artists, mom said musicians never make any money)
• What really moves me?
• If I had guaranteed success in anything I went after, what would I do?

What would you do? Who would you be?

The Importance of Doing Nothing

What exactly does that mean? Martha Beck in her book The Joy Diet talks about how doing nothing should be an important ingredient in your day. Do we sit there and stare at the wall? Isn't that close to meditation? The act of "doing nothing" is the paradox it seems to be. Is is the active pursuit of doing nothing that perplexes us. Let me try to explain is with a metaphor.

Our minds are so constantly filled with images, junk, lists, thoughts, ideas, complaints, self-criticisms. The list could go on forever. Doing nothing means letting all of those thoughts drop off like a spilled glass of water falling all over the table and floor. The water runs onto your lap. You bolt from the chair. You rush to clear the table. You head jerks to find the nearest towel. You pay attention to spilt water. Your thoughts are like spilt water. 

What doing nothing asks of you is for you to just sit there. You must actively stop yourself from getting up. Feel the wetness. Stop the judgement about what is getting wet, what is getting wrecked. Like water, your thoughts threaten to make a mess if they are being ignored. They demand attention. However, like water, they will seek their own level and get to room temperature if left unattended.

The other day I sloshed cold water on myself at the sink. I cannot wash dishes or rinse them off without dousing myself at least little. For about 2 minutes the ice cold water soaked the front of my sweater; the sweater taking a healthy drink of it. Yikes it was cold. It wasn't so bad, so long as my baggy sweater didn't rub up against my stomach. But when it did - wooo! Eventually the water temperature got warmer and matched my own temperature (at least a little bit). Then I was able to ignore the wetness.

We need to give our minds a rest, we need to let those rushing fluid thoughts of ours slow down and reach their level. This is actively doing nothing. We will not drown in them, they will just slow down and become still. They will become room temperature.

Exercise - Just about every meditation book on the planet will tell you this...

1. Sit in a comfortable position
2. Become aware of your breathing.
3. Notice your thoughts.
4. Let them go where they must.
5. Do not react to your thoughts.
6. Do nothing about them.
7. Do this for at least 5 minutes a day.

Pay the Bills While Building the Dream

When you hear the phrase "follow your dreams", does it make you think that you have to quit your job and drop everything? I think it's a very common after thought. Barbara Sher has said that if you quit your job to become a painter, you'd go nuts. You could never just drop everything and paint all day, or sing all day, or be with animals all day.

Start slowly with whatever it is you are doing. One of the worst dream killers is taking something you love and expecting it to make you a living immediately. Aside from winning the lottery, the "overnight success" is actually the result of many years of hard work. Even one hit wonders have to practice in their garage before someone hears their song.

Eric Maisel, who trains us creativity coaches, has said that artists and musicians need plenty of practice. While the dream to become a dancer is glowing within you, you will get no where unless you dance and dance and dance. Have you really been practicing and practicing all these years? If so, good for you! If not, then get going. When you start slowly with practice, you will get experience and exposure in your field of interest. Also, you will know if dancing, for example, is truly for you. You may only like to watch dancers and may learn that promoting ballet may be your true calling.

For now keep paying the bills with your current job. If, however, your job is toxic, look first to getting a new job that will keep food on the table. You need to take care of yourself financially before you can venture down a new path. And when you venture, do it slowly. Pay the bills while building the dream.